- I'm a nervous wreck (oh hell yes)
- March 16th, 15:19
Have I used that title before? I'm not sure, oh well it's applicable to me a lot of the time!
Today was actually maybe one of the least stressful days this week though, which is nice since tomorrow is going to maybe potentially be really bad. Finally officially putting in my two weeks notice. It kind of feels like i'm going to jump into cold water. Either the water will be cold like I expect and it will be shocking and uncomfortable, and I will adjust and it will be fine, or it will be cold and uncomfortable and full of sharks and it will be uncomfortable and I will be maimed and maybe die. I'm being dramatic, everything will be fine. If there are sharks I will punch them in the fucking face because that's my only option (besides dying but I have things I want to do before I die so).
It kind of feels like tomorrow is the turn of the page for the next chapter in my life. I think a lot of days are about to feel like that, and a lot of days already have. It's like that part of the book where there are a lot of mini chapters.
I have a bad habit lately of sitting on the couch and not doing anything. I don't mean poking my phone, or napping, or wasting my time with little things "anything" I mean staring off into space and thinking about how I definitely shouldn't be sitting on the sofa staring off into space. I think it's a weird coping mechanism, but it's useless. I'd rather nap. Unlike naps though it's a lot easier to come back from staring into space, when I take naps because I'm not feeling good that's basically saying goodbye to the rest of my day.
It's weird though because I don't feel outwardly too upset or stressed. Feelings are weird.
It's only 3 weeks until I'm back in Pittsburgh and it's weird and exciting! I'm happy I'm going back so soon, after all this it'll be nice to have another mini vacation and see Miki and just be happy and relaxed for a few days. On one hand it's going by fast and I know I'll be there soon, on the other hand I just checked one of my application statuses and it said "applied yesterday" and it's like fuck that felt like last week.
Yesterday was my moms birthday and that was weird, I said Happy Birthday and she shrugged me off and I shrugged her off and it was uncomfortable but maybe less uncomfortable than if she wanted to pretend nothings going on. I guess she had a birthday party and invited a lot of the people from work over and they all got really drunk.
I constantly worry if I'm making the right decisions.
It's been "cold" this week and I really love it. Sweaters and not being sweaty. It's so nice, everyone is like winter already happened make it go away, but winter didn't even happen please shut up. Or don't shut up, and wear your heavy snow jackets and be miserable while I look cute in my Fall Out Boy sweater. Shrug.
I can't deny it's getting worse
Trust me it's a blessing and a curse
Call me if you're crashing, we'll take turns