She bites my tongue, so I don't say too much
Just finished my run and although I prefer doing this at the end of the day I'm going to go ahead and do it now because tried and true if today is like the past few days I will not in fact "do it later".

For maybe one of the first times in my life I've been making significant, noticeable, and steady progress with my fitness goals. I've been exercising for a long time now consistantly, but the pattern has always been find motivation, go at it really hard, burn out, do the bare minimum until I can find motivation again. Or sometimes I end up causing myself injuries, woops. Now I am limiting how much I exercise even if I feel really, good. I Exercise for a limited amount of time but I put my all into it and I've noticed my stamina is really increasing!

Also I feel like maybe I am losing weight/slimming down/toning up a little? My body perception changes day to day so I don't know but I'll enjoy the feeling while it lasts.

My mom invited me over to watch 50 shades of gray with my co workers, and acted shocked and hurt when I declined (I was polite about it). First of all she knows I don't want to watch that movie, but she always talks to me about it like I like it. Second I hate 90% of my co-workers. Any of the ones I do like aren't going either, and she knows this too but also acts surprised when I mention I don't like them. I can't tell if she's not listening, or doesn't care, or?

Also she's been doing this thing where, especially if we're in a group of people, she feels the need to call me out on random things or put me down out of nowhere. I'm not saying anyone loves to be criticized, I certainly don't but I think I take being criticized okay. I do think there's a time and place for it and when I'm asking about a cookie, suddenly ranting about my work ethic in front of my family I only see every few years is maybe uncalled for and hurtful. Maybe I'm too sensitive. It keeps happening though, and it's made me really uncomfortable to talk around her so I've maybe been avoiding it.

Kind of on the same topic, she's been bringing up how "thin and pretty" I used to be, and again I don't think she means it to be hurtful, but as someone who struggles with this I wish she would stop. She shared a picture the other day and it was from when I was at my thinnest and it was kind of weird to see. I don't really know if I was necessarily under weight, but I know the things I had been doing to maintain that weight weren't healthy, so I'm trying to not beat myself up for gaining weight back. I'm healthier now, but still.

I went to the post office today, it wasn't too crowded for once. I got the newer girl who works there for the second time, the first time was before Christmas and she was really sweet and she told me I smelled nice! She was sweet again and she remembered me, and also she thanked me for the cookies I brought around Christmas time and said they were delicious, I'm always surprised when people remember me so it made me feel special. She reminds me a lot of a girl I used to be really good friends with, we were only friends for a pretty short amount of time but we had a lot of fun together and I think about her sometimes.

I feel silly because I've been low key freaking out about tiering this love live event and I thought I was doing terrible and I didn't think I'd ever catch up and weh weh weh. I'm tier two, so I'm going to keep at it but it's nice to not feel like I'm swimming up stream anymore! Because I'm silly, it's kind of important to me that I get these cards and do well in this event, for silly reasons.

This time next week I'll officially be in Pittsburgh and I'm so excited!

you make the water warm
Trying to get everything done on days when we're going over to my mom's house is hard. I don't really want to go again but I know I should and I'll try to have a good time but a lot of the times going somewhere just feels like a waste of time where I could be doing things I want/need to do. It makes me a little antsy which doesn't help with trying to just relax. Also my mom and I still aren't getting along but that's not really new.

Otherwise today has been good though, work went well. I've been feeling pretty good.I'm having fun doing the love live event so far! I hope i can do well but also another reason I wish I could just stay home and play love live until my eyes fall out! Oh well, I'm racking up points so I can play the event song a lot so I'll just do that tomorrow evening.

I like walking to the grocery store, the neighborhood I live in isn't much to look at and Florida isn't exactly full of beautiful nature (oh Florida let me count the ways I hate you) but my little path I walk is relaxing.

I got a call from massage Envy this evening reminding me I have a massage available to be scheduled for this month (since I have a membership there) so I went ahead and scheduled and I'm excited, the lady I usually get massages from isn't available but that's okay. I'm going to try someone new (the guy who did my massage when Miki and I went for our couples massage only works nights now too so I couldn't get him either, but also for silly reasons maybe that's okay because I don't think I can look at him without cracking up anymore xD)

9 days <3

Let me inside your mind
Last night I went out for drinks, It was a lot of fun but maybe I had enough to drink that when I got home I was more than a little tipsy. I like being silly and drunk and it's fun drunk texting my girlfriend, I'm glad she thinks it's cute! It always makes me wish she was here and we were drinking and being silly together, that's the best.

I had intended to stay awake long enough to sober up and then do my nightly things, but at some point I just passed out. Usually I can kind of remember when I "throw in the towel" so to speak and know I'm about to fall asleep. I only remember sending Miki a text about how drinking makes me sleepy, and then waking up two hours later! Oops! The irony of the text before I passed out was also maybe funny.

Today was relaxing, I mostly played games and doodled. I walked to the store today and I thought it was going to be a nice cool walk but it was actually warm and humid. I was pretty salty about it the whole walk, and then I walked by a lady who then proceeded to say "The weather is beautiful today isn't it?" Please kill me I think to myself as I am breaking a sweat in February. I'm excited for my trip soon for lots of reasons, getting a break from Florida weather is definitely on that list.

My Mom called not long ago and invited us over because some relatives are here from out of town, they're only going to be here until I think Tuesday, so we decided to go over. Things were going pretty well until my Nephew showed up, and started accusing me of acting "weird" and not liking him. I didn't really know what to do with this, I don't know why any time I'm around him he has to go out of his way to make me aggravated? So we decided to make up an excuse to leave a little early.

Gonna play a little more Animal Crossng before bed because I want to upgrade my little house! Also Gotta remember to that there's a Nico Rin even starting on love live tomorrow (yay!) I hope I can do well, my teams still aren't the best in my JP game, but I think I can do pretty well :)

You stayed on the phone and talked to me day and night
Today went much better, I even got out of work early for the first time in a while! Which was nice because I wanted to go to Pier Park and play pokemon go since the new update has gen 2 pokemon (yay!).

I came home but as soon as I got home I felt really really tired. But I was determined to go running so I went ahead and got ready and went, I went a little easy today since I was so tired. I did my best though. When I finished up I rested on the couch for a little bit and played my puzzle game and then got ready and went out.

I think I ended up being out for like three hours? I wandered around and caught lots of pokemon and chilled at Starbucks for a little bit and enjoyed a coffee. It's funny how easy it is to spot the people playing pokemon go.

I know I sound like a broken record sometimes, but I really miss Miki and I's pokemon go and coffee dates. I've been missing her extra today. It's okay though because 12 days! Almost 11!

By the time I got home I was exhausted so I passed out on the bed for maybe an hour or so. When I woke up I felt not good. My stomache felt very acidic and I felt weird and confused. Which happens sometimes. I'm feeling better now though so that's good. Even though it wasn't that long ago, I'm already getting sleepy again.

I want to do my little comic for the day and play more Love Live before I do go to bed.

I hear your voice in my sleep at night
Today was, well it was a day.

I think I was a little more on edge/not handling things well because of hormones. I've been frustrated with my Mom extra lately and it's making it harder (than normal) to have normal conversations with her. Today she was getting aggressive with her,"why aren't you happy"s and "Why don't you talk to me anymore"'s and it's hard because I want to tell her that I feel like we're just two different people and I feel like I can't share things with her because even when I do she makes it obvious that she doesn't care, or we end up somehow fighting about something I thought was an innocent story. But also trying to talk to her about problems is similar to telling a brick wall about your problems. Except besides not actually doing anything or offering useful responses, this brick wall will also make you feel shitty about yourself. So I told her I don't feel good today and left it at that. I was trying to cook the special while most of this happened, I went into the kitchen next door to get some ingredients and when I come back she's suddenly doing my job for me. In her weird way I know she's trying to help but it stresses me out more, I didn't ask for help and you're messing up the way I was doing things. Not to mention she was crowding the chicken in the pan, so of course the skin didn't crisp up like how I wanted. Whatever.

I stood in the back for a bit to calm down, and then finished my work and didn't say much else for the rest of the day.

I have a variety of things I repeat to myself lately and at first I thought this wouldn't really work and the things wouldn;t help. Actually though I've noticed it's helping a lot. It doesn't fix the problem at hand obviously, but the things I repeat to myself help keep the other negative thoughts away that usually end up making me even more stressed out. Which is usually when I cry or lash out and make things worse. So yay for that, I;m maybe a little proud of myself.

I was super exhausted when I got home partially because of my period, but also because stress. So I went straight to be and half napped half talked to Miki. It's nice because since I wanted to talk to Miki I didn't totally pass out, but I nodded on and off so I still felt rested without sleeping for 3 hours and waking up confused and a little upset. I was able to do surprisingly well on my run after that and then I went to the store. Now I need to do all my other little things. It's that time of the day where the day isn't really over but it goes by weirdly fast and I hope I can finish everything I want to do.

I'll steal you flowers from the cemetery, red roses
I put off writing until right before bed and then I don't know what to write and I'm sleepy. A short story by me.

I want to eat all the food I bought at the store today partially because snacks are fun and also I am constantly hungry. I love walking around the grocery store and looking at all the food and seeing what's new and wondering if this is yummy or that is yummy. Sometimes I get too curious and I end up buying extra snacks.

I meant to make a new running playlist today but I didn't do it, but I'm going to try to remember tomorrow. I only remember at inconvenient times like before bed or while I'm actually on my run and wishing I had done it already. I have a few little playlists I want to make so I'm going to try to work on all of them soon.

This week is going by slow but the days are going by so fast?

I somehow manage to tidy the house and then scatter stuff quickly enough that it seems like I never tidied to begin with, it's my own special talent. But the dishes are clean, and the laundry is done (and not folded, so begins that cycle. But maybe I'll actually fold it tomorrow before it gets out of control)

Drawing little comics every day has been really fun, I thought that thinking of little "story lines" for
them would be more challenging. Sometimes I come up with something right away and sometimes it takes all day but I am proud that I can always come up with something!

I'm so into you
Today was a nice day! It was Valebtines day and although I didn't really do anything I got to spend the day talking to Miki and then I spent the evening with Reagan.

Not to sound too mushy but I really am in relationships with the sweetest most amazing girls, they're so supportive and wonderful to me. I'm so happy and I hope that I'm doing a good job making them as happy as they make me because I still am not sure how I am so lucky to deserve either of them! Not to mention how beautiful they both are! Its really wonderful to be loved by both of you.

The evening was spent at my Moms house and my Brother, his wife, and his kids were there. The food was yummy but as always spending time with them is a little exasperating to say the least. My stomach has also hurt most of the evening so I didn't really get to eat much, but we took leftovers home so maybe I can enjoy it more tomorrow.

Another pretty short post because I'm falling asleep as I write this oops.

Two weeks tomorrow!

The simple things, they make my heart go (Be mine tonight, be mine tonight)
Today was something, I felt nervous about going into work because I always do after a vacation. But what did I have to worry about, I was literally only gone for the weekend so it shouldn't be a big deal.

The wrath of the vacation gods were upon me today I guess.

Work was very stressful, but I got through it and I ended up getting done at a decent time anyway. I even managed to not really stress eat (maybe I slipped up a little but overall I did good)

I've applied for FAFSA and it seems like I am definitely going to get some amount of grant money! I don't know how much but it makes going back to school a little more exciting because maybe I at least will have help paying for my books. I don't know why I hate paying for the books so much, I guess its the principle of it. We only use like one chapter in any given book and I have to pay 300 or more dollars for it and usually an extra 100 dollars for online access that is only one time use! Oh well school is school and I'm going to do it!

Also there has been more headway made on places that could potentially be good to live, I'm still looking into a few things but there is a list that is a work in progress.

It makes me grumpy when people put down Valentines Day, or put down people for liking it. Especially girls. It's not wrong to want cute things on Valentines day, it's cute and sweet and fun. Sure you should show your loved ones that you love them every day, but it's okay to make something special out of special days and Holidays! I think it's a thing to extra look forward to! Tomorrow is Valentines day and I'm excited. I'm excited for Miki and Reagan to open their presents! I really hope they like them :)

I put off journaling and I'm sleepy and not so good at words when I'm sleepy.

You put a sour little taste in my mouth now
I didn't journal yesterday because when we got back to the hotel room I was exhausted. Reagan and I both were. It was a little disappointing because we were going to go to this cute bar in the hotel and get drinks, but we probably wouldn't have enjoyed it as much as we could have anyway since we were both sleepy! So it's not a huge deal.

Yesterday was fun but busy, we wanted to do some things in the Magic kingdom and also Epcot so we never really took a break back at the room which we like to do. Also it got a lot warmer during the day than we expected and that always makes for feeling tired.

The food was yummy and we did the things we wanted and it was fun! I'm still always a little bitter because the store in Japan doesn't carry cool Pokémon stuff like it used to. It carried pokedolls the first time I went in 2014 but hasn't since. Oh well!

I've been feeling weirdly self conscious the past few days. I still haven't started my period so maybe it's partially that. Also the first time we came to Disney I was at probably the lowest weight I had ever been and I don't know why but I always think about that and it makes me feel weird about myself. I don't know. Im really bad about comparing myself to everyone around me and it's a bad habit that I need to stop.

We went to breakfast at one of my favorite breakfast places this morning and I thought we weren't going to go, but things worked out and I was happy for that. The food is good and the wait staff essentially picks on you and acts silly and it's just cute and fun. I'm maybe extra weird but I like to watch them pick on other families even more than I like the actual interaction with them, but it's cute.

The drive home always goes by a lot faster than the drive to a destination, or at least it feels like it.

I'm happy February feels like it's going by a little fast.

I'm in love with my own sins
Standing at a bus stop waiting on a bus at 1 am so when not journal right?

It's been an eventful day, I went into work extra early and got done around the time I usually go in. So when I got home I chilled and took a shower because I'm oily all the time right now for no reason. My fave already feels really oily again, but I have to be really careful with how much I wash it and what I wash it with or I'll break out. I'm a princess sometimes.

The AC people came and installed the basement unit and maybe it's the last of the AC adventures for a while. The unit is really nice and now I want to work on moving the futon in the basement and moving the bed into the Pokémon room.

Reagan and I drove to Disney and the road trip was fun and easy but we ended up leaving a little late because Reagan had been fighting a headache so even though she got off of work early she needed to take some medicine and a shower and put us behind. Which is okay but we were meeting up with her friend Emily tonight and we ended up being really late because the bus to Downtown Disney was running behind and also they updated Downtown Disney (which is actually Disney Springs now) so we got a little lost.

We met up with Emily though and hung out for a few hours and it was fun and seeing her and Reagan hang out and talk is cute, it seems like they're really happy to be talking again! I'm glad we made it in time to still hang out.

I'm not sure what all we're doing tomorrow, I kind of want to come back to Downtown and check out all the new stores but also I want to go to the Magic Kingdom, but then also Epcot.

I'm really excited for our October trip, it'll be more than one full day so we can do all the things we want, and Miki will be with us! I wish Miki was here with us now too, soon we can start planning and booking our future trip!


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